The Joy of Pregnancy

≡ Category: Bonklets, Semi-daily thoughts | ≅ Comments Off

Joyous Pregnancy, that is some serious bullshit. Bones shifting, ligaments stretching, searing heartburn, mashed internal organs, dehydration. It reads like a CIA torture memo.

Ten days ago, The Monkey landed in l’hopital (somehow French is less scary…don’t ask why, I have no idea. My closest encounter with France is Bouchon Bakery). Anyway, turns out that the back and stomach pains that everyone chalked up to “oh, pregnant women expand and it feels stretchy” pains were Contractions. Hello, Woman! What super human pain tolerance allows you to endure 4 weeks of contractions before checking into the hospital?! As Bobert said, “I’d be a screaming banshee!” Me too.

I will spare you the frightening details and cut to the happy part. The contractions were not related to any pre-term labor, kidney failure or gallstones. The Bonklets are healthy and thumping around at ~145 bpm (a little fast for my musical tastes, but hey, rock to your own beat). And thanks to Elaine and my Mom, we ate well and are caught up on our fashion magazines and celebrity gossip! The unhappy part is that the pain will persist and most likely get worse as the Bonklets continue to grow.

Thankfully, I am augmenting my 8 years of Left Coast Positive Thinking reserves with Magical Powers–I’m reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to the Bonklets. Manhattan Day and Bank Street? Fugghedaboudit. Hogwarts or bust! I like to think my nightly reading means they now respond to hearing my voice. I know, wishful thinking, but they really do respond to sounds and rhythms. When Joannie was in the hospital, the nurse told us she was going to “wake the babies up” to monitor their hearts and movements. So she started by poking gently at Joannie’s stomach. Nothing. I then chatted to them while tapping a little beat on Joannie’s tummy and they started kicking around. Whoa.

They were once again a complete snoozefest at the start of the next monitoring session. Then I remembered I had my iphone. So I aimed some music at them and they immediately started kicking around. HOW FRACKIN’ COOL?!!* Really, it was instant party in the tummy! Note, I got the party started with Common, The Light and then moved into an extended Wil-Alice-Luna mix. The Bonklets are old skool like that.

Here’s picture documentation. The squiggly lines on top are their heartbeats. The dashes underneath appear when the Bonklets move. I wish I had an audio track because the dashes cue up to when I started playing the music. Take that Serato!

*Yes, it was awesome enough to bust out the ALL CAPS and not just one, but multiple !!! on you.

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