Snack time after playing in the gardens.

+++

Losing Vin means losing a wise, batty, and always there for me auntie, sister, and buddy –losing a piece of my home and self. A friend suggested the only way to digest this is in tiny sips through a very narrow straw because anything else would be lethal. I appreciate this and think Vin would too. I can hear her proclaiming it a “slow release” grieving process.

So for now, I’m remembering the many good times with Vin: holidays, vacations, marathon scrabble, semi-autistic conversational loops, hours of playing catch on the beach, snowboarding with Milyoung while Vin stayed warm by the fire, watching fireflies from the back porch, chasing ice cream trucks, poetry and puns, pets come and gone, children here and now.

I remember Vin and Milyoung’s first home together. It was a classic San Francisco Victorian on Folsom street. A home they shared with Rizal the rabbit, Admiral Yee the turtle, and the cats Itami and Juzo. That was over 15 years ago. I was a baby-dyke and viewed their life as one of adults and stable people. I quickly learned Milyoung and Vin’s version of stability is “organized chaos” an endless series of zany adventures that most always included a menagerie of pets, big California wines, and a tribe of friends.

I remember when Elaine and I visited their first apartment in Brooklyn on Crooke Avenue. I think of it as their pit stop before landing at their permanent home at 392 Grand Avenue. The purchase and renovation of the semi-habitable old house was classic Milyoung and Vin. Vin declared the “house had good bones” and was fond of noting it was over some 100 plus years old–she of course would remember the exact age of the house. Good bones or not, that house needed serious work. For years, there was a steady stream of endearing, but maybe not the most competent contractors fixing, breaking and once again fixing things around the house. Gary the Plumber, Faisal the guy who was always destroying windows, and Stanley the grandpa who was a flooring genius, but suffered from a remedial work crew. Over the years, I occupied almost every room in that house. First a summer in what is now the study, then a stint in “Andrea’s room”, and finally a couple of years in the basement. When I moved back to Brooklyn after 8 years in the Bay Area, I was happy to return to the same zip code–11238. In a small way, it felt like coming home.

I remember enjoying pop culture and literary (and no so literary fiction) with Vin. “Enjoying” with Vin was never casual, but required a full immersion into Mulder and Scully’s lives, learning the arcane geneology of Arthurian legends, and epic adventures with Frodo fueled by Vin’s very own, evergreen version of lembas. I was reminded the other day that it also entails keeping VHS tapes of Princess Diana’s funeral.

I remember the holidays we spent together and countless meals Vin made where fried fish and cured meats featured prominently. There was a Thanksgiving in San Francisco squatting next to a bucket as we gutted what seemed like 500 smelt for fried fish sandwiches. Which reminds me of how Vin went through a fly-fishing phase –it coincided with Brad Pitt starring in a River Runs Through It. I have no idea where milkfish come from, but always thought it’d be awesome if Vin could catch one because my favorite Vin dish was daing na bangus. We’d eat it with garlic rice and no green vegetables in sight. Vin was delighted to discover Maria’s longanisa and toscino. When I lived downstairs, on Sundays I’d often wake to Vin knocking on the door at the top of the stairs and shouting, “Looney! Did you eat?!” Invariably my answer was, no. Vin would then cook a Sunday “breakfast of champions” of garlic rice, meat, a fried egg, and coffee she declared would “put hair on my chest.” Milyoung would have a meatless version of our brunch and years later we laughed at how she was the one who was diagnosed with high cholesterol. We’d all eat and then Vin and I would nap in the living room–Vin in the armchair and me on the orange couch. Milyoung would go climb the roof to clear leaves from the drain, or embark on some other very useful, but slightly hazardous home task involving power tools.

I remember the last summer I lived in the basement the recurring conversation was how Milyoung wanted a dog and Vin wanted children. A series of plant thefts led to Lucy arriving first, but as we all know, Milyoung and Vin eventually both got what they wanted. Parenting always seemed like yet another raucous Milyoung and Vin production, but I knew from watching Vin work as a teacher how she value structure for children and was a disciplinarian who believed in old world “good manners and right conduct.” I loved listening to Vin’s classroom stories, her observations about each student, and classroom management strategies. I was always struck at how she never talked down about any of her “little people” and how she worked so hard to understand each of her students as individuals. I know that carried over in how she raised Jordan and Matthew Khalil and they are truly the luckiest of all of Vin’s many, many “little people.”

Vin and Milyoung were there the day my own “little people” –Ayumi and Yuuki, were born. I looked forward to consulting with Vin about educational approaches. I know when Ayumi and Yuuki march off to their first day of school I will be thinking of Vin and hoping their teachers share her respect for their little peoplehood.

I know, as with every other important life event, Vin travelled this cancerous road with Milyoung — sometimes at her side, at times leading the way, other times being prodded along, but always, always together. In the years since Vin’s diagnosis, I admired how they lived life intentionally, fully, Vin fought tirelessly and Milyoung carried her — to the very last breath so she could have as much time as possible together and with Jordan and Matthew Khalil. While Vin’s love of life and drive to appreciate every moment certainly felt sharper in this last stretch, I know from our years of friendship that Vin’s joy for living, her awe at all the kooky, cheesy and incredible wonders of the world, and love for Milyoung and her family is essential to Vin. It’s not the same to not have Vin here, but I hope Milyoung, Jordan, and Matthew Khalil can lean on Vin’s outsized spirit and bank on the knowledge that a heart and love of Vin’s size just doesn’t go away.

In that spirit, here are the Boos in various winter/holiday drag. Outfits include, Brokeback Mountain (as dubbed by anty ewee), Christmas lumberjack/plaid hipster/80′s lesbian (Auntie Mark asks, does that outfit come with a uhaul?!), Shakespearean green ruffle velvet thing for Yums, and a peppermint stripe sweater dress on Yuuki.